aches

My heart aches at the thought that you left thinking the worst of me

My heart aches at the fact that everything was so recent and so sudden

and that you met me at a time when I didn’t even recognize who I had become

My heart aches at the fact that rather than see my heart through a microscope

you saw it through a kaleidoscope

one that showed you so much clutter that it distracted from who I truly am

My heart aches because my capability to love was so overwhelmed

by the noise and by the physical aches and by the extreme sorrow

that I didn’t get to show you how my heart looks healed

My heart aches because the version of me that you met

is the version of me that I myself cannot love much less expect you to love

My heart aches because I cared so deeply

and I wanted it to be so perfect but fighting the many demons I fought

and expecting you to keep me together while I held on with a mere band aid was not fair

My heart aches because I feel like I have lost myself and in that I have lost you

My heart aches because I know that the me that is loved by me is the perfect me for you.

But you don’t want me, you want ME… I want me back.

One thought on “aches

Add yours

  1. Aches and pain only makes your heart stronger. If someone cannot accept you for you do not pursue them. I’ve loved only to be told I was never enough. It broke my heart every time, yet I realized they do not define my happiness. No one does except for yourself. Be with someone who compliments you. Not make you whole. You are already perfect just the way you are.

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